Stronger Than I Imagined
At one point in my life, I had become so resigned to the belief that I was deserving of the abuse and mistreatment I had received throughout my life, from people who were supposed love and care for me, I began to treat myself in the same way. Failing to recognize the damages, I would believe for years that the innate strength I had would help me continue “making it through” life. Little did I know, I was settling for the miserable life that my resignation, defeatist attitude and self-loathing had created. Who was I to demand better treatment from anyone, let alone myself? Who was I to alter the course mapped out for me? This was my lot in life; it was the reason for my perceived strength. At least this is what I used to believe.
Thankfully, I recognized, before this miserable life’s path could meet its premature end; drastic changes were immediately required if I were to alter my life’s destination. After removing from my life the people who not only helped define my self-worth, but required my resignation to its insignificance; for the first time in my life I was alone. The path that lay before me would be leap of faith into the unknown. It most certainly required dedication; this path begged me to believe in myself, a completely foreign concept. Knowing the strength it would require, I took the leap of faith . . . alone.
Since choosing to live deliberately, life has been anything but easy. It has been lonely, however I have taken to quiet introspection, which is something I knew nothing about until recently. This change has also challenged me to identify my beliefs and my moral code, things I had previously defined by the beliefs of others. The rewards of my decision are just beginning to show themselves; they quietly encourage my continuance by offering small gifts of confidence and hints of amazing things to come. I know the path I have chosen leads to the life I had so desperately longed for but didn’t believe I deserved. I have finally realized the love and validation I sought through others is something that has always been in me, quietly waiting for me to discover. I have found an unassailable strength I now claim with authority; I no longer allege my strength.
This discovery has afforded me silent reprieve by uncovering self love, acceptance, and by revealing my true strength, but his is not where my journey ends. This is where my journey begins. I believe I am strong. When no one else believes in my strength is when I am my strongest. I believe that no matter the circumstances and no matter the obstacles, I am strong for a purpose. My purpose may be unclear and the path to its absolute definition will most definitely demand self-alterations and hold many diversions, but it is inevitable; I will reach my destination, my purpose, because I am strong. I am stronger than even I could imagine.
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