No-Baby Steps

Tomorrow I go back to the hospital and will hopefully get this Foley catheter out. Such a miserable week it's been. Bladder spasms, low urine output, the most painful gas I've ever had, not enough rest....BUT, I would not be feeling any of this if I weren't alive. So I will take it. Every day is a little better than the last and I'm certain things will continue to improve. This hematoma is supposed to absorb so I sit with a hot rice pack as much as I can. I read that massage helps it but I can't help but be nervous about doing that. I am thankful that I found a website called "HysterSisters" that is chalk full of ladies who've gone through the same procedures. They identify their procedure with what they call their "badges". I need to learn the lingo still but it's a great resource since I don't know anyone personally who's gone through what I have. I am reminded of "What About Bob" and the term "baby steps." Maybe I'm not a fan of that wording right now...and neither are my "phantom uterus" pains. 

Day 3 of My Impatient Inpatient Stay

So they say I'm going to get to go home today. God, I hope so. I was discharged on Tuesday after the surgery and then had to take an Ambulance to a nearby hospital where I was treated like a med seeker. I left AMA (against medical advice) and went back to the hospital where I had my surgery. I was admitted that Wednesday night and have been here ever since. They've been trying to control my pain and keeping an eye on the hematoma that developed between my bladder and pubic bone. It's supposed to take some time for it to resolve as it will absorb back into my body. Boy will I be glad once I am back to feeling "normal" again. I'm so blessed to have someone who treats my son as if he were her own grandson and has been taking care of him while I've been in the hospital. I don't even want to imagine what things would look like if I didn't have that support.

Post-Op Pissed Off

Well I came home last night after my surgery on Monday. I can't lie, I wanted another night away. Does that make me a bad person? I'll tell you what it does make me: angry. Angry at my son's dad for not being involved in his kid's life. It would have been ideal to have him be an adult and help out but let's be real...his brain is only just finishing it's own mylenation. He's a 25 year old kid. This makes me angry at myself. So I guess this post is about being angry. I'm so full of emotions, so many different emotions. Sadness, grief, frustration, anger, denial, loneliness, irritation. The list goes on. Ugh. I don't even begin to know how to finish this rant. Done. 

Waiting is the hardest part

Well, I've made it to the surgery day. It seems like my anxiety is much better now that I'm here and hooked up to the IV and am within an hour of my surgery time. The two weeks before today were HELL. Constantly worrying about dying is not how I like to spend my days. Whew. I am not looking forward to this recovery but will be glad to get this over with. Hopefully this will be my last surgery (how many times have I said that though.) Twenty-three by my count. Wow. Sooooo that's enough rambling; it's time to numb my mind with The Hangover. See you on the other side----uterus free. 

Essential Oil Crafts! Yummy!

A friend of mine sent me this list of crafts and projects to do with essential oils. Right up my alley. Stay tuned...definitely more to come on this! 

http://www.simplisticallyliving.com/25-crafts-and-projects-using-essential-oils/

Harem pants from an old pair of men's boxers.

Blog Attempt #3 (or is it 4, 5 or 6?!)

So today I decided to try this again. This blog is going to be a collection of my rants, my ideas, my creations, my journaling, my venting, my gratitude platform, my daily (maybe) hum-drum, my adventures and my "whatever I want it to be". I need this kind of outlet without the bullshit facebook click-bait and built-in drama. I live in a world where actually sitting and writing in a journal is difficult for me (for so many reasons). So here we go....let us see how this all pans out.